


dave and karkat get drunk and fuck

by Elendraug



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, Casual Sex, Drunk Sex, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Meteorstuck, Nook Eating, Oral Sex, Quadrant Confusion, Safe Sane and Consensual, Xenophilia, they're both equally tipsy and okay with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 21:46:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1663562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elendraug/pseuds/Elendraug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a black box inside my mind records the time we spent together</p>
            </blockquote>





	dave and karkat get drunk and fuck

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Maim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maim/gifts).



> written for [maim](http://freakyhumanshit.tumblr.com) ♥ and inspired hugely by faun-songs' [artwork](http://40.media.tumblr.com/e69ba8723c855dc758dd4dc6aa854ac5/tumblr_mjf45vQEhK1r4xcdjo2_1280.png) (NSFW)
> 
> music: [the beta band - to you alone](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z97Q9-xGyjs)

As everyone on the meteor quickly discovered, the worst part of having to wait three years to see any other people was that they had to wait three years to see any other people. With that much time to kill, and a limited amount of media to consume, they collectively ran out of romance novels, movies, and card games, and as Rose had gotten deeper into her cups, the extensive research had largely ceased without considerable prompting from Kanaya.

The group’s sleep schedules had merged into something neither diurnal nor nocturnal, as there was no sunrise to gauge habits by. Dave thought about all this while nursing a fifth of something that’d been alchemized by Rose a few weeks ago. Was it vodka? Rum? Generic moonshine distilled from leftover grist? He had no idea, but the world was warm and he was getting tremendously comfortable on the couch. The day had been moderately successful. Can Town had expanded into several new residential districts, all populated by a diverse crowd of cans, both empty and filled. Following Wayward Vagabond’s efforts to install him as the first and only civil engineer/urban planner, he’d taken progressive steps to furthering the ideals of a open community within the city limits. The criminal justice system had already reported a significant decrease in violent crime in the zones under her watch. Dave was proud. Damn proud.

“Why are you drinking?” Karkat demanded.

Dave looked up, not expecting anyone to interrupt his honestly boring reverie. He shrugged. “I dunno, what else is there to do?” He offered the bottle to Karkat. “You want some?”

Karkat bristled, opened his mouth to say something, then huffed. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Dave patted the empty spot next to him on the couch, and waited for Karkat’s weight to drop down beside him. Talk about plush; the upholstery was downright accommodating. He passed the bottle to his right. “Help yourself.”

Karkat snatched it and took a generous swig, swallowing quickly and coughing immediately after. “That shit’s stiff, holy fuck.”

“Yeah, well, Rose doesn’t pull her punches.”

“No, she doesn’t.” Karkat pressed the rim to his lips and took another sip, and licked the drops off the glass. Dave took the bottle back and helped himself to some more.

“She may or may not be _actually_ planning to mix this with punch. You got me. I ain’t her keeper.”

“That’s Kanaya,” Karkat clarified. “In Rose’s drunken stupor she’s so pitiful, it’s no wonder they’re matesprits.”

“I thought it was moirails that had to watch out for each other.”

“Moirails keep you in check. Matesprits feel sorry for one another.” Karkat settled back against the couch cushions. “A kismesis pushes your buttons just the way you like, and an auspistice signs up for a giant, never-ending load of bullshit drama only the most talented could ever hope to contain.”

Dave grinned at him, already in his personal space. “Yeah? I didn’t know it counted as blackrom if you annoyed somebody. I thought you had to like, want to kill each other or some shit.”

Karkat shook his head. “No way. A healthy kismessitude involves plenty of bickering, threats, and escalation, but if it’s anywhere close to actual slaughter, that’s when an auspistice needs to intervene. Did you read that book I gave you last week?”

Dave laughed. “Uh, the one with a title that was like fifty words long? That one?”

“Yes, that one.”

“No, I haven’t read _that one_.” He gulped down some more ambiguous liquor and chuckled. “Maybe I should take you up on your offer to read to me, like I’m a fuckin’ toddler.”

Karkat made a face. “You’re not a grub, so don’t act like one.”

“A dumb illiterate baby who shits himself.”

“Utterly unappealing, you nasty fuck.”

Dave laughed again. “Like I’m supposed to be appealing to you?” He passed the bottle back to Karkat. “You’re talking as if we’re hate-mates or something. I didn’t sign up for that.”

Karkat mumbled something incomprehensible against the lip of the bottle, drank a little more, and sank down against Dave’s shoulder.

“What was that?”

He glowered. “I said, you sure fucking act like we ought to be.”

Dave was seriously tipsy and Karkat smelled good, not like the usual lived-in, unwashed stank they tended to accuse each other of. Maybe he’d bothered to visit the ablution trap sometime in the past twenty-four hours. “Like we’re kismesii? Kismesis...es? Kism… yeah, that.”

Karkat snorted. “You drive me crazy. No one else left in this pathetic group manages to piss me off the way you do. So yeah, on Alternia? I’d consider that resentful flirting.”

“I don’t actually hate you, though,” Dave elaborated. “But I mean hey, if you want to fuck, far be it from me to deny you my plush rump.”

Karkat shifted away from him in a panic. “What?!”

Dave wiggled his butt against the couch cushion. “I know I’m damn near irresistible. You don’t gotta tell me twice.”

Karkat flushed and shoved at his shoulders. “If you bothered to pay attention, you’d find I’m very much capable of resisting your sad attempts at caliginous solicitation!”

“Yeah, whatever.” He grabbed the bottle back and set it way too heavily down on the coffee table, wincing as the glass thunked on wood. “Nobody’s that good at ignoring my Striderly charms.”

Karkat made an exasperated sound. “It’s not like I’ve never considered it! But fuck, I’m not so desperate to fill quadrants that I’d force an attempt with the slim pickings on the meteor.”

“So you’re not Eridan?”

Karkat glared. “Eridan was never that bad.”

Dave shrugged for a second time. “All right, so quadrants are off the table. Casual fucking’s not.”

Karkat continued glaring and leaned in closer to sneer right in Dave’s face. “Casual fucking doesn’t keep the drones away from your hive’s doorstep.”

“And how many drones are there in paradox space?”

“Shut the fuck up!”

“I hate to break it to you,” Dave began, eyeing Karkat intensely, “But nothing matters up here. We’re well and truly stuck.”

“That doesn’t mean—”

“I don’t see nothin’ wrong with a little bump and grind.”

Karkat hesitated, unable to form the words he wanted. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“I think maybe you’ve been harboring a hate-on for me this whole time,” Dave ventured, leaning heavily on Karkat’s shoulder. “And you were just too preoccupied with Gamzee and Terezi to say anything.”

“You aren’t an option!” Karkat insisted. Nonetheless, he didn’t pull away from Dave’s increasingly close proximity.

“What, because I’m not a troll?” Dave leaned in until the frame of his shades was digging into Karkat’s cheek. “I find that discriminatory, sir.”

Karkat let out a harsh breath and narrowed his eyes. “You know that’s not what I’m doing.”

Dave shifted to swing one leg over Karkat’s lap and grinned against the corner of his mouth. “Then what are you doing?”

Maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s the boredom, maybe it’s the fact that he _has_ thought about doing _something_ with Dave since they started interacting more frequently; Karkat dropped all pretense and immediately reached to fist his hand in the short hair at the back of Dave’s head to draw him in for a messy, drunk kiss.

Dave laughed into it and broke away almost instantly to slump against Karkat, his chin resting on Karkat’s shoulder. “I told you. I fucking called it, man.”

Karkat snarled and yanked Dave’s head backward, deliberately refusing to meet the heated look he received. “Do you want this to be caliginous or not? You can’t have it both ways!” Kismessitude rarely involved something as tender as cuddling, inebriated or otherwise. 

“Why not?” Dave reached a hand down to grope between Karkat’s thighs, at the obvious tenting in his too-tight pants. Why he wore them so high up on his waist, Dave would never understand. “We’re bored and we’re drunk, out of our skulls in both cases.” He angled his head to kiss at his neck, at the hem of his shirt. “Why does it have to be anything?”

“Because…” Karkat fished for a response, and landed absolutely nothing. With Dave’s eager efforts along his skin, he quickly ran out of motivation to examine it further. “Ugh, fine. I guess it doesn’t.”

Dave had become obsessed with the feeling of skin beneath his tongue, and he knew this was barely scratching the surface, Beat Mesa be damned. “Okay. Okay, then just, like… let me do a thing.”

“A thing?” Karkat pursed his lips. “Define _thing_.”

“You’re gonna like it,” Dave promised. “But I haven’t done it before so you gotta bear with me.”

“I don’t see what—” Karkat blanched as Dave abandoned his lap to slide wobbily to the floor, kneeling in front of the couch and resting his hands very heavily on Karkat’s thighs. “What are you doing?”

“Take these off,” Dave whined. “You’re making this way harder than it has to be. No pun intended.”

Despite his earlier half-hearted (bloodpusher’d?) protests, Karkat shed his pants—and therefore, also his shoes—without protest. As soon as his clothing had come off, Dave’s mouth was between his legs, lapping feverishly at his nook with no foreplay.

“Fucking hell, warm me up first!” Karkat grumbled; granted, it was difficult to complain for much longer, as Dave’s drunkenness lent itself to particularly enthusiastic nook-eating, and Karkat’s drunkenness matched Dave’s equally in indulgent bucking of his hips. Within seconds, Dave was shoving his tongue as far up inside Karkat’s nook as he could comfortably go, red-tinted genetic material coating his face the further he went. Karkat slammed his head back into the softness of the couch, lifting his hips towards Dave’s efforts.

Dave vocalized something incoherent and Karkat pushed himself towards Dave’s tongue, desperate to guarantee more of the same quick, hedonistic licking. Dave had thrown himself totally into the task of eating him out, and it was pleasurably obvious. Karkat dug his fingernails into the edge of the couch cushion and moaned. If anyone heard, that was their problem.

Dave pushed Karkat’s thighs wide open and fucked him with his tongue, savoring the taste and slickness of Karkat’s nook as he tried so urgently to ride his face. Karkat’s bulge slipped fully out not long after, and Dave wasted no time in sucking it down, too. The tip was leaking fluid to begin with, and as Dave swallowed around him, more of his tentabulge ventured forward to press against Dave’s waiting tongue and fill his mouth.

It was at this point that Dave started to palm himself through the action pajamas, his erection already plainly apparent for anyone paying attention.

“Fuck, Dave, don’t…” Karkat took a shaky breath and bit back a groan. “You absolute shitheap, don’t you dare stop.” 

With the loss of Dave’s insistent licking where it’d moved from his nook to his bulge, Karkat groaned again in frustration. In a good faith effort, Dave made up for it by wetting two fingers with saliva and thrusting them up inside Karkat, sucking his bulge all the while. Karkat let out a truly pathetic noise, and if Dave had been so inclined, he would’ve found it romantically pitiful.

Karkat’s breath came in shorter and shorter gasps, and Dave worked his tongue as quickly as it could go, slurping messily on Karkat’s tentabulge. At some point he’d maneuvered his dick out of his own pants and begun jerking off, no less devoted in his intent than before he’d started touching himself. Dave pulled away and laughed.

“Are you feeling it, Mr. Krabs?”

Karkat groaned, but not in a sexy way, and smacked Dave’s head. Dave grinned into his crotch.

“Oh my god, you fucking piece of shit,” Karkat snapped, “Shut the fuck up, I don’t want you quoting human television while you’re going down on me.”

“Yo, this is what you signed up for by agreeing to fuck around with me.” 

Karkat wisely chose not to respond and instead threaded his fingers into Dave’s hair, urging him closer. Dave gave up on Karkat’s bulge entirely and resumed tonguing the dripping slit of his nook, leaving his bulge to thrash wildly against the side of his face and leave slick trails of pinkish genetic material in its wake.

Dave flexed his fingers on Karkat’s inner thighs, gripping tightly, and Karkat lifted his hips to push towards further contact. Karkat had always been vocal, and though Dave had imagined this outcome plenty during his own valuable alone time, he hadn’t quite prepared himself for the litany of cursing and moaning that accompanied Karkat’s approaching orgasm. When he finally came, shuddering and needy, Dave kept his tongue pliant and ready to lap away the influx of fluid that coated his lips and chin. Karkat’s thighs shivered beneath Dave’s palms as they braced against him, and Dave couldn’t help sneaking a hand back down to work on himself again, instead.

“Goddamn. Just, fuck.” Karkat collapsed, breathless, his head tilted back and mouth open to gasp for air. “How much practice have you had?”

Dave grinned up at him, sloppy and self-satisfied. “Like practically none. I am just wicked horny.”

“Holy fuck.” Karkat sighed deeply and tried his best to steady himself. “Uh. Wow. So the booze is helping?”

“The booze is definitely helping.”

Karkat looked away to stare at the far wall until he’d collected himself. Collecting himself was made increasingly difficult by Dave’s continued affections on his bulge. He couldn’t help wondering if Dave had something of an oral fixation; not that Karkat was complaining.

After another few minutes of permitting Dave to lick up along the underside of his bulge, Karkat squirmed out of his reach and offered him a hand up. “It’s your turn,” he said, conciliatory and grateful. “Let me get you back.”

“Ain’t gonna complain,” Dave replied, shedding his pants without any further prompting. Karkat reached for his hand to pull him closer, his other hand going quickly to grope at Dave’s ass. Dave smirked at him over his shoulder and backed that ass up—so to speak—and seated himself in Karkat’s lap, his back pressed to Karkat’s chest.

Karkat frowned. “Is this what you want?”

Dave nodded and smirked over his shoulder. “You got it. I know what I’m about.”

Dave hiked the top half of his godtier outfit out of the way, in a last ditch attempt to keep various bodily fluids off the fabric. When Karkat’s tentabulge slotted against his ass crack, he let out a breathy laugh and allowed himself to grind against him. His bulge was slippery and wet and _perfect_ , and Dave couldn’t stop from shuddering. 

He reached forward to grab the generic alcohol and take another hefty swig. “Do it.”

Karkat held onto Dave’s hips, his claws digging slightly into his skin but not quite breaking it. As slicked up as he was, especially post-climax, Karkat had no trouble getting his bulge shoved completely inside Dave. The moment Karkat was officially fucking him, Dave braced one hand on Karkat’s knee, while his other hand flew to his cock and jacked off frantically.

“Fuck yeah.” Dave pushed himself all the way down, flustered and aching to come. “Fuck, you feel good.”

Karkat trailed one hand up to scrabble at Dave’s chest, the other skirting across his stomach. “I’m—I’m not good at dirty talk, Dave.”

“That’s okay,” Dave assured him, his eyes closing behind his shades. “I got enough for both of us. Starting with how I’m gonna ride your hot alien dong.”

Karkat winced. “Probably don’t do that.”

“Too late.” Dave lifted his hips until Karkat was almost pulled out, then slammed back down with a contented sigh and a very wet noise. “Gonna bounce on your cock ‘til I can’t take it.”

“You can take it.” Karkat grazed his teeth along Dave’s shoulder, light enough to keep from cutting him but hard enough to earn a reaction. He saw Dave speed up the pumping of his fist, and took it as a good sign. “You’re gonna take all of it.”

“That’s the spirit,” Dave encouraged, chuckling lowly. “Fuck me, Vantas.”

Karkat batted Dave’s hand out of the way to grasp his human bulge, and did his best to copy the movements Dave had been making just seconds before. Dave moaned loudly as soon as Karkat’s fingers were upon him, and fucked himself back and forth onto Karkat’s tentabulge and back up into his fist. 

“I’m gonna come,” he announced, incapable of wiping the infinitely pleased smile off his face. “You’re gonna make me come.”

“So do it,” Karkat snapped. “I want to watch.”

Dave hit Karkat’s hand away and resumed his own efforts, determined in his movements and eager for his release. Karkat’s bulge was slicker than any vibrator he’d ever tried to use, and although it lacked in the buzzing department, he was hot and thick and _alive_ and Dave was certain that no porn could compare to this. He was a dude who fucked monsters from space, and there was no going back. He wouldn’t go back, even if he could.

When the tip of Karkat’s bulge pushed and pressed and twisted into his prostate, Dave lost it entirely and beat off furiously, moaning and spurting into his tight fist and onto his stomach. He continued fucking himself for another few seconds, before the touch of his hand became too hypersensitive and he had to pull off. 

Dave let gravity take him flopping back to rest heavily against Karkat’s chest, his neck craned to expose his throat, and his breathing coming in shallow gasps. “Holy shit. Fucking shit, that was so good.”

Karkat looped his arms loosely around Dave’s waist and kissed a spot on his neck that he could reach from his current angle. “Who alchemized this couch?” he asked, scowling.

“I’unno.” Dave shrugged and ground down onto Karkat’s bulge, reluctant to call it a day. “Who cares? I think we claimed it by doing the sex on top of it.”

Karkat made a disgruntled noise, but it was tricky to sound convincingly put-off when you’d just orgasmed. “Bulgelicker.”

“Mmm. Nook-eater, too. Don’t forget.”

“Fuckhole.”

“So same time, same place, tomorrow?”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Yeah, we’ll see.”

Dave kissed him, and after a few initial startled moments, Karkat kissed him back.


End file.
